STOP Negative Talk & Thoughts

Today I want to share about my own experiences over the last couple of days. I have come to a little epiphany and breakthrough. I hope those dealing with mental health struggles and addiction issues can get something out of this because this is really geared toward you… us.

Humans can speak at about 130 words per minute (on average). Humans think and process words at a median of about 2,000 words per minute. That’s a big difference. Think about this. If you or a friend or family member talks negatively, think about how often those negative talks are roaming around in your or their heads. It is a LOT. I’ve been there. I can still go there. But in this process of self-care and healing, I have learned something. Nothing is more important than getting my mind healed, and my sobriety steady. And the first thing is recognizing negative self talk in myself, or others and how it affects me.

For many of us struggling with addiction and mental health issues, those are intertwined, or as I have stated in a previous blog, Co-Morbid symptoms. Some suffer silently from just one or the other. Some suffer out loud. I have been the queen of negative thoughts my entire life. I admit, I am still working on it and it takes effort for me to be nice to myself. But it is something I am trying to change. I am getting better at it though therapy, sobriety and medication.
We all know what triggers are. Triggers are instances, comments or situations that set off a set of emotions because of previous experiences. I dealt with a specific trigger of negative thoughts just the other day that once I realized what it actually was that made me so angry, was incredibly eye opening and brought me to a new level of brightness.
I am in a group chat with some of my girlfriends, like many of us are. Truth be told, they used to be my best friends in the world, but I think (think) my sobriety changed that. I’m not quite sure because I haven’t really gotten to speak to them about it and haven’t really seen them much either. One of my friends, whom I have been best friends with since we were in High School, texted what would be a normal text for us, and was complaining about her job. Seems normal for girlfriends, right? (If you can’t complain about your job, your partner, or your kids to your girlfriends, are they even your friends??)
But, and there is a BIG but… it triggered me. And I figured out why in therapy… on my own.

There are people in our lives, no matter how long we have known them who play roles. Everyone does. I will speak about Martyrs and Extreme Care Givers (same thing). Because I was in such a troubled state for so long, people saw me as ‘someone to help’ and the ‘problem friend’. I was the ‘obnoxious drunk girl’ who was always fun until. I was the one who needed help and once I got help… now what?
My girlfriend had just landed this new job after being unemployed for several months. It was her 2nd day on the job in training. She texted all of us complaining about her new team and some accounts she would be dealing with – and it triggered me in a sense I was not expecting and couldn’t figure out why. UNTIL, it hit me. Her negative self talk came out of thousands of self thoughts and what she wanted us to do, whether she knew it or not, was agree with her in self-pity. That’s what we all used to do. I could relate because I have had terrible people I worked with in the past. But here was the kicker for me. And when I realized it, it ‘shooketh’ me. The reaction that was expected was one of reactions from the past. “OMG, that sucks! Want to meet over wine and bitch about it all?”
That’s what we used to do. Instead of that I met her with the bold truth about stopping her negative thoughts and how this is the job she has been wanting and needing. I am not here to support negativity any longer but will support her positive decisions.

We should not support toxicity, negativity or triggering behavior in ourselves or anyone around us or in our circles. It’s not necessary and as I have learned in this process, as we grow in our mental health, sobriety and our own skin and find our voice, that scares people because they can no longer “take care of us”. They can no longer “find us to be the drunken girl that needs help”. We are no longer “the problem child”. We are no longer the “one that needs saving or rescuing”. And those in our circles that are Martyrs and Extreme Care Givers no longer have a purpose with us. Our circles grow smaller and that’s ok. It’s better to have quality over quantity. Quarters over pennies. 

Yes, this falls into the self-care category of course. I encourage anyone dealing with negative self thoughts or negative self talk to be careful with yourself and others. If you have someone in your life like I do, that is talking negatively about their life to you and you find it triggering for whatever reason, kindly speak up and allow yourself to be a shield. You have the right to stand up and have a voice. Your throat chakra should not be blocked anymore and this is a great way to activate it and set it free.
REAL friends, and true friends will allow you to be yourself and stand up for yourself and have a voice. Those who don’t like it, are not your/our friends. Through this process of healing, sobriety, mental health awareness and therapy a lot will begin to change. And unfortunately a lot of people will show themselves to you and us and how they fit into our lives. There will come a point for us when we have to be ready to realize that we are good enough to stand on our own two feet. No matter how long that journey is for you, I encourage you to begin that journey whenever you feel ready. But the sooner the better, because healing leads to health of any matter.

The goal of these blogs is to set intentions and to manifest a beautiful and purposeful life! To find beauty in the ugliest of places and to find light in the darkest.
Come with me on this journey as we discover a pathway to healing, health, purpose and joy!
And remember: Don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out alive!