It’s a Catch22. We live in a Social Media driven world where people’s ‘perfection’ is constantly being uploaded and promoted to every viewer. However we also get the ability to shop without having to leave our homes and have the entire world at our finger tips, which is great for those with social anxiety. So for anyone dealing with any sort of mental health issue, how do we handle the constant love/hate relationship with social media? This is a real problem for some and it crosses over so many mental illness lines.
I want to share one of my own struggles before diving into the official numbers and the lines it can cross for those with the varieties of mental illnesses. When I was in my darkest times, angry and suicidal, scrolling through Instagram and looking at the ‘perfection’ of people I had to unfollow some people I considered friends, even family because they brought me down mentally. I knew they were showing a fake side for social media. I knew that about these particular people – so that showed that this was probably going on more than *I* thought. Social media is a playground for perfection – what people WANT you to see. Filters, edited photos, the 98th picture of a series of photos that they took to get that perfect one. It brought me down so much into a dark place I had to remove myself. Doing that helped. At first, a little bit and then after time, more and more. I didn’t even think about these people. I can’t control what these people did. I can only control myself and what I share. If I have a bad day, I don’t post. I don’t want to bring anyone down; it’s not that I don’t want to share the ‘perfection’ – it’s just that I choose not to depress anyone or throw a pity party. I see it as a difference.
Social Media and Alcoholism
Getting sober has made me realize something with social media. Alcohol is glamorized on social media and the media itself. I encourage you to begin to pay attention because it will help you realize why this is such an issue if you are a recovering alcoholic. I AM beginning to see more sober accounts and those dedicated to mocktails, however alcohol is so glamorized on television as sexy and living your best life. If you are struggling with any sort of addiction, this is an easy one to delete. I encourage you to delete or block/unfollow any account that glamorizes alcohol or some sort of sexy lifestyle while being under the influence. Wineries, breweries, distilleries included.
Social Media and Body Image
This is a huge struggle for many of us (myself included) that again, shadowing what I spoke of up above, those who post nothing but selfies or especially those that are younger than those of us who are in our 40s, please don’t compare your body to anyone else’s. This is quite often harder than said than done, I realize that, but often influencers on social media who promote makeup, clothing, themselves or even travel, are often using filters, changing their body type with apps, or working so hard behind the scenes and sometimes don’t have jobs and make social media their only jobs. The mental comparison and what we see in the mirror about ourselves often leads to self doubt, mental issues, eating disorders and much more. One study has shown that 56% of young adult women and teen girls have felt that they cannot live up to social media ‘standards’ of beauty. That’s an enormously high rate of low self-love. Feelings of depression, anxiety and seeking validation of ourselves rather than feeling good about what we can offer the world and our circle of friends.
Social Media and Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying has picked up over the last several years and the ‘keyboard’ bullies are using social media, the users photos and posts to bully the original posters about anything they can. This is being shown in so many ways, from body shaming in direct messages to even something as simple as disliking a post. It can take on something bigger like sharing posts and bullying to unknown people – even their jobs or schools. We have seen an increase in body shaming (which is why I specifically posted this directly below the body shaming paragraph), as well as intelligence shaming. Even those ‘positive’ comments can turn for the worse in a social media cyberbullying situation. They reinforce the idea of attractiveness and therefore can put the idea in someone’s head that they look amazing, when they perhaps filtered and edited the photo to such an extent that the viewer did not know or even realize, or care. Same with intelligence. We can always compliment, but not in a ‘bullying’ way. What do I mean by that?
To compliment a photo of someone who might have ‘over edited’ – “Oh my gosh, you look amazing!” would suffice. Rather than something like, “Oh girl, you must have gotten liposuction on your thighs, yes, because clearly they look much different now than they did before! Great choice!”
So, how can we help our mental health and use social media? There are some helpful and healthy ways to use social media because as I stated earlier, social media is such a big part of day to day lives and we can still benefit from social media, support small businesses and enjoy our downtime scrolling without feeling triggered or threatened.
First, for all of us, be aware. Be aware that you and your loved ones are using social media platforms in healthy and not harmful ways and also viewing in healthy and not harmful ways. Be intentional about the content you view. Focus on what makes you and your heart and head happy. Delete and block the accounts that affect your sensibilities, and add the accounts that can benefit the state of mind either where you currently are or better yet, where you need and want to be. There is no need to explain, you do you. Just like me blocking my friends and family because I was offended by what they were putting out there, and the alcohol sites I had been following for years… blocked and unfollowed.
Next, another way to be on social media and enjoy your presence there, ditch the filters. This is a hard one. Challenge yourself. Challenge your circle of friends, make it a game for fun so you’re not in it alone. But remove the quote-un-quote shame that you might feel or that might be put on you because of social media. Remember the magazine cover that Jamie Leigh Curtis did when she removed her makeup? Remember even more recently when Pamela Anderson walked the red carpet makeup free, and continues to do so. They are being praised now for their courage. Let’s ALL take that challenge and walk our own red carpet!
Finally, reduce your time on social media and work on other hobbies outside of your computer and phone. I have linked my mental health pillars blog here to remind you of reestablishing your mental health pillars each day and what you can do that don’t involve connecting with others virtually. Work on yourself WITH yourself. Self-appreciate and self-care rather than self-deprecate and self-humiliate. This would be a great opportunity to also develop a new skill or hobby. Then, absolutely, promote your new skill and/or hobby on social media and show off how wonderful your new skill and mental awareness is!
All in all, social media is and has the capacity to be a fun place to connect. The problem here lies in the fact that we have become SO dependent on connecting through phones and computers that we have now stopped connecting to ourselves and others. We no longer know how to connect to our friends, family and appreciate them. We no longer know how to talk positively to ourselves, appreciate what we can offer, and now compare ourselves to complete strangers and look to them to ‘like’ what we put out in the world, rather than us being comfortable with liking ourselves.
Social Media IS a Catch22. Let’s focus on the good, rather than the bad. In order to do so, we HAVE to change our mindset. 1000%.
The goal of these blogs is to set intentions and to manifest a beautiful and purposeful life! To find beauty in the ugliest of places and to find light in the darkest.
Come with me on this journey as we discover a pathway to healing, health, purpose and joy!
And remember: Don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out alive!
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