You know those word find puzzles that challenge you to find 4 words and those 4 words will bring about the year ahead? It’s probably silly, but I always like those. It’s not necessarily true, but it DOES set a mindset. You see the words and it instantly puts in your mind what your year can be if you put in the effort. It’s a cause and effect sort of thing.
At the beginning of 2024, my words were, Health, Connection, Self Care, and Miracles. I wrote them down on a ‘Post-It’ and placed that note right in front of me at eye-level at my desk at work. Right from the get-go, I knew my mantra of the year was ‘self care’, that’s why I’m here writing right now. So that was magical to me. I wanted to make the most of my sobriety, health was first and foremost for me and ultimately what I wanted for myself. So again, that ‘health’ vision was a bit magical to me. A bit of a calling, maybe. But again, it’s something that now I can strive for, not that is going to happen automatically because I saw these words in some silly game.
Yesterday I got to sit on one of my favorite couches at therapy and speak about the state of mind I am in now. The odd thing is, my state of mind is basically “blah”. Which, I admit is way better than the alternative which I have been in for several years. This has been stages of anger – tearing doors off the hinges in my house. Sadness – cutting myself to relieve the pain, and so much more. I will take ‘blah’ any day. And blah isn’t bad. For me at least. I’m changing. I am basically now waking up as a new person and my therapist likened it to my phoenix burning and I will soon rise from the ashes. It’s quite literally one of the most beautiful things I have heard because I felt that deep in my soul. Everything I have been going through emotionally, socially, physically and mentally over the last few years is now burning and I am going to be coming out the other side a better, healthier, more connected, more self aware person. And I can create that person myself and make me a person of my own choosing. Thank you sobriety! Thank you BPD! Thank you self! Is this the miracle that I spoke about earlier? Maybe… maybe this means that there are just more to come. Who knows. 😉
So now I want to jump into the other 2 words of my word find. Connection and Miracles. I mentioned miracles above but I will come back to that. Connection. I have been so disconnected from so many things and people for so long admittedly and selfishly. People including my husband and things like reality. The irony of it all, is I KNOW I was disconnected from reality because I wanted to be. What I didn’t know is how I was excluding my family from my life. After some serious chats and therapy sessions, he and I were able to sit down and discuss calmly (that’s HUGE for us) what we both needed. And I realized that what I needed was connection, but what I didn’t realize is that I needed to disconnect from the selfishness I had brought on over the years. We finally were able to connect on a much deeper level and for once, not put a Bandaid on topics that needed to be covered up. We can now openly discuss issues because we have dug out the scar tissue which had been sitting there deep down in the darkness for so long. WOW, that felt so good to do.
Now the miracle part. This is the part that will be forever ongoing I believe. Because yes, I have witness several already and I still feel them happening. I see them coming in the near future and I know more will come. I now believe that if you work your self care journey, you take care of your health and you connect with your goals and your partner and your true inner circle, the miracles will show themselves all on their own. I’m still praying and keeping my fingers crossed for some but I know the universe has a plan, and I can now be selfless enough to say “it’s all in good time”.
The goal of these blogs is to set intentions and to manifest a beautiful and purposeful life! To find beauty in the ugliest of places and to find light in the darkest.
Come with me on this journey as we discover a pathway to healing, health, purpose and joy!
And remember: Don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out alive!
Awaken Your Soul's Potential 