Hello there! It’s been a bit, sorry about that. Life happened and I got super busy, and tried my best to follow my own advice – take care of myself first. Some days it worked, and some days it didn’t but I CAN tell you, I am getting better at it!
One thing that has been on my mind a lot recently, is the concept of Self Compassion. Especially during the hustle and bustle of the season, we tend to lose ourselves and get frustrated with the holiday world. Crowds, traffic, sales and customer rushes, I could go on. So today I want to bring to our attention the self-compassion idea. We tend to focus also on compassion for others during this time of year, while losing ourselves in the mix and burning the proverbial candle at both ends. So step back one step, look at the big picture of what this season is about, and breathe.
I am someone who is anxious all the time and suffers from anxiety. I also suffer from severe depression. So in order for me to be self-compassionate, I need to look deeper within myself and forgive myself for a lot of things that are not in my control. What I mean by ‘forgive myself’ is that I need to be strong and understand that I cannot control everything. I need to be ok with that and allow myself the compassion, if you will, to relinquish control to my higher power. I am focusing on my mentality as I face ideas and thoughts that can and probably will make me anxious. I am being mindful that my mental health can create my physical health, and I want to be the healthiest version of myself in this coming year.
There are three key aspects to self-compassion.
Common humanity, meaning that my struggles are not always unique to me. Many people suffer the same losses, tragedies, self-sabotaging thoughts and inner demons I do, this does not make me special.
Self-kindness, meaning you are your friend. Speak to yourself like you would counsel your best friend or one in need. Be kind to yourself.
And finally, Mindfulness. As I mentioned above, be present in the moment, allow yourself to feel, but respond to self-critical thoughts with kindness and change that self narrative. Be present.
Practicing self-compassion is the process of turning compassion inward. Simply put, we need (*I* need) to practice being as nice to myself as I am to my best friend.
Below are some ideas, many of which have been mentioned in previous blogs for self-care and other calming methods, about ways to cultivate this mindset of self-compassion. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that self-care and self-compassion are so close in the way they read, and how they can be interchangeable.
Meditation, journaling, “What would I tell a friend?” exercise, positive affirmations, set realistic expectations, practice self-care activities, do a body scan meditation and finally, forgive yourself.
I have spoken to the benefits of meditating, journaling and practicing self-care activities many times before. I believe getting in the mindfulness and calming routine that flourishes by meditating etc. is hugely beneficial for our mental health.
“What would I tell a friend?” is also the idea of self-kindness. There’s a difference between being harsh and stern with someone and yourself, and being a bully and rude. Be honest, but in a kind way, especially when you are talking to yourself. We have to live with ourselves every day and night, and you can’t simply ‘get away’ for a break, so it’s best never to fight with yourself. Set realistic expectations and set attainable goals. Having goals and dreams be achievable is going to reduce the risk of harsh self-talk and self-criticism. If you set goals that are attainable, then gradually grow into larger goals, your self-talk should (hopefully) grow as well to be encouraging and positive.
While I have mentioned meditation often as a favorite of mine for self-care and self-awareness, the practice of body scan meditation has not been mentioned previously. With this, it combines meditation as well as positive self-talk. Be mindful as you scan your body for discomfort, pain or tension and meditate while you release those feelings with compassionate and caring thoughts. Love yourself enough to take care of your vessel along with your mind.
In one of my personal journals, I have a list of “I am” statements. Most of them are positive, but I also recognize my faults and mistreatments of myself. This however is great to look back on and see how I have improved, and what I like about myself now, as opposed to back then. My “I am” statements are part of my positive affirmations. This technique is combining our compassionate self-talk and the “what would I tell a friend?” exercise and positive affirmations have been known to truly change our mindset. Remember that line in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts says to Richard Gere “The bad stuff is easier to believe“? Think of how powerful the positive things would be to believe if that’s all we said to ourselves! The mind is a very powerful tool and once we train it to think differently, and positively and more compassionately, our whole outlook on life and the world can be transformed.
Finally, (and this is a big one) – forgive yourself. Back over the summer when I was in the throes of making my amends with those I had hurt because of my addiction, I WISH I would have thought to make amends to myself first. I eventually did, but forgiving myself early on in the process would have allowed me the ability to think more freely. Not one of us is perfect and we all make mistakes, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Keep that passageway from your head to your heart clear and forgive yourself for your mistakes and slip-ups. When we want that from other people and wish that from others, we can guarantee it from ourselves, can’t we? And isn’t that a nice thought?
I hope as this holiday season rolls on, and this year of 2024 comes to a close, you can find compassion for others AND yourself. Be kind, help yourself, let yourself rest, and give yourself some great pep talks to remind yourself that you are one of a kind.
Comment below and let me know your favorite practice!
The goal of these blogs is to set intentions and to manifest a beautiful and purposeful life! To find beauty in the ugliest of places and to find light in the darkest.
Come with me on this journey as we discover a pathway to healing, health, purpose and joy!
And remember: Don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out alive!
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