I remember writing in my last post “My goal is to write more this year!”… that was in January. I’m nothing if not consistent!
I came across a shadow work journaling idea and I thought it would be good to share because there’s that saying “Don’t ever have regrets in life” and “Everything happens that’s supposed to” and so on. I really try to learn lessons from the bad situations I have found myself in, and although I find myself bitter about some of those, they have shaped me into the person I am today. Is that a good thing?
I do have one regret however. One regret that sticks out among all the other ‘situations’ I have learned from. Before I share that, this feels like it is a recurring theme in my life over the last few weeks. I keep seeing things like ‘begin a new career in…’ or ‘what best fits your moon sign is…’.
When I was a senior in high school, I decided to go into the field of psychology in college. I started off at a prestigious university with a major in psychology with hopes of becoming either a forensic psychologist or a LPC specializing in eating disorders and/or addiction. But real talk, I was lazy back then. I just wanted to party (and drink), visit my boyfriend every weekend in the city next door, and basically escape university life as much as I could. Realizing I would have to continue on in school for years to come to become what I was probably meant to be ‘when I grew up’ was too much for me to handle at the naive age of 18. So I thought it best (hilarious in the most sarcastic way I can say it) to change majors and move into the dance world. Now, with this goal I wanted to open a dance studio or become a drill team instructor as I had spent years upon years dancing and loving my time in the studio. The feeling, the smell…it was all so wonderful. I would feel so alive when I went in those doors every single time.
But, of course there’s a but… I changed my mind, AGAIN. However I changed my mind just a few months before graduation. I think it was my last semester of my senior year, and I thought to myself, ‘to change majors AGAIN would just add on years to my time at the university’ and I was not having it. So I graduated with a bachelor of science in dance (lucrative) vs. a bachelor of science in psychology. Does that really matter, no. Can I go back to school and get a certification and license, yes. But the idea got planted in my head, my twisted and messed up head and thinking processes, that I should have stuck with what I started with. I could have a growing business or a steady and much respected career which I originally wanted. Is that a regret for me? Absolutely. What can I do about it? Great question, I’m glad you asked.
Key points
- Regret is hard to avoid. …
- Regret can be painful – but it can also present an opportunity. …
- Let yourself feel regret, without avoiding or wallowing in it. …
- If your behaviour caused harm, try to make amends. …
- Learn to forgive yourself. …
- Reframe your experience of regret. …
- Write about and share your regret.
Let’s review these key points on changing regret into opportunity and see how we can all learn from a past regret or failure. I don’t necessarily agree with the first point.
Regret is hard to avoid. I think regrets only happen if you let them become and stay regrets. Changing mindset can help us realize what exactly is regret, and what is just an unfortunate circumstance or decision we have made that perhaps has led us down a completely different path to where we are now.
Regret can be painful – but it can also present an opportunity. I agree with this and know that regret is painful. The opportunity is presents however can be a life changing nugget or it can create the willpower to change your outcome. Everything in life is an opportunity – it’s what you do with that opportunity that matters.
Let yourself feel regret, without avoiding or wallowing in it. Trust me, I have felt regret. And sometimes I get to feeling sorry for myself and throwing a pity party for my ‘failure of a self’. I do like to wallow in my feelings and I know that is not healthy. It’s been my coping mechanism for as long as I can remember. But I do think my mindset needs to change and if you too find yourself wallowing in regret, we need to just get the positive thinking flowing and allow ourselves to feel it, but not FEEL it.
If your behavior caused harm, try to make amends. In my own personal regret, this does not apply, however I can think of plenty of situations where one might regret causing person or persons harm and making amends can help. However, it’s like Step 9 of the 12 Steps in AA… as long as injury or further hurt will not occur during the amends, I highly suggest this is a part of your healing process. However, if making amends to a regret will in fact cause emotional distress or physical harm, I would think twice.
Learn to forgive yourself. This step is HUGE with regret. We have to forgive ourselves for any regrets we might have so we don’t carry that burden, feeling, or thought into our present and further into our future. Forgiving ourselves does not mean forgetting. It means taking that burden off our hearts so maybe we can create that new opportunity we spoke about earlier.
Reframe your experience of regret. Speaking as someone who likes to wallow in her feelings, this is a huge step. Reframing the experience can and possibly often do come with internal points of importance. For instance, in my case, changing my major from psychology to dance allowed me to do what I loved for 3 more years and focus on my energy, centering and body. Reframing our thoughts has a huge impact on our emotional stability.
Write about and share your regret. SO, here I am. Journaling is so huge for mental health and it helps you formulate thoughts down and untangle them in your mind. That’s one of the reasons I started this blog. Sharing your own regrets or challenges can help you restructure your thoughts and see if new opportunities can become available based on your current situation.
I hope everyone reading this can take something from my own personal regret in life and look at it in a new light, or even do something about it in a positive way! Maybe you have a new goal or maybe just a new way of thinking, but either way, NO REGERTS! 😉
Cheers xoxo
The goal of these blogs is to set intentions and to manifest a beautiful and purposeful life! To find beauty in the ugliest of places and to find light in the darkest.
Come with me on this journey as we discover a pathway to healing, health, purpose and joy!
And remember: Don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out alive!
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